Why the name slips away
Forgetting is rarely the problem. During an introduction your attention is on your own handshake, your own name and what you will say next, so the other person's name arrives while nobody is listening. It never reaches memory at all. The fix is to decide, before you walk into a room, that names are the one thing you are there to collect for the first ten seconds of each meeting.
The method
- Stop talking and look at the person while the name is being said.
- Say it back at once: "Good to meet you, Priya." Saying it aloud is the single most effective step, because it forces you to have heard it.
- If the name is unfamiliar, ask the person to say it again or to spell it, and then try it yourself. Nobody is offended by an effort to get a name right.
- Attach it to something. Link the name to another person you know with the same name, or to a feature of the face in front of you, however silly the link is.
- Use the name once in conversation and once when you leave. Twice is enough, and five times sounds like a sales call.
- Write it down within the hour, with one fact about the person, in your phone or on the back of a card.
When you have gone blank
Admit it in the first minute, while it is still a small thing. "I am sorry, I have lost your name, and I would like to get it right" costs you nothing, and the other person has usually forgotten yours as well. The costly version is bluffing through three encounters and being caught at the fourth. If a friend is nearby, introduce the friend first: "This is my roommate, Dan" prompts most people to offer their own name in reply. When someone is plainly struggling to recall yours, rescue them by reintroducing yourself as you shake hands.
Getting names right in writing
Check the spelling before you send anything, using the person's email signature or the company directory instead of your ear. Use the form of the name the person used with you: if she introduced herself as Katherine, she is not Kate until she says so. A misspelled name at the top of an email is read as carelessness about everything below it.
Tip Before a party or a meeting where you will see people you have met once, spend two minutes with the guest list or your notes. Reviewing beats remembering.
