Open, closed and loaded
A closed question can be answered in a word, and it is the right tool when you need a fact: the price, the deadline, whether the flight is on time. An open question asks for an account, and it is what keeps a conversation or an interview alive. Asking whether someone liked Denver gets a yes. Asking what it was like to live there gets ten minutes. Be careful with "why," which can sound like an accusation when it is aimed at a decision. Asking a colleague why it was done that way puts the colleague on trial, while "Walk me through how you got there" draws the same information and a friendlier answer. A leading question carries its answer inside it, as in "You are fine with this, I assume," and it teaches you nothing.
One at a time, then wait
The most common fault is stacking. A nervous asker poses a question, rephrases it, adds a second question and then offers three possible answers, and the other person picks the easiest one. Ask once, in under fifteen words, and then be quiet. A pause of three or four seconds feels long to you and merely thoughtful to the person answering. The follow-up is where the value is. Asking what happened next, or saying "Tell me more about that part," shows that you heard the answer and costs you no invention at all.
Asking an expert
When you need help from a teacher, a senior colleague or a tradesperson, do the homework first and show it. State what you already know, what you tried, and where exactly you are stuck. "I have read the lease and section four says thirty days, but the renewal letter says sixty, and I would like to know which one governs" will get a real answer. "Please explain my lease" will get a sigh. Ask what the person would do in your position, and ask what you have not thought to ask.
In a meeting or a class
If you are confused, several other people are too, and the question you fear is stupid is usually the one the room needed. Keep it short, ask it early, and do not give a speech disguised as a question. Write the answer down, so that you never have to ask it twice.
Tip Before an interview, a date or a dinner with strangers, prepare three questions that you would honestly like answered. Curiosity is hard to fake and easy to plan.
