What the invitation tells you
The envelope is a guest list. Names written out mean those people and nobody else. "And guest" means you may bring one person of your choosing, and you owe the host that person's name. Children are invited only if they are named or the wording says "and family." The reply date is a real deadline, because caterers want a final head count a week or two ahead and the host pays for every plate promised. "Regrets only" means silence counts as a yes, so you speak up only if you cannot come.
How to answer
Reply by the method the host chose. A reply card goes back in its stamped envelope, and a text gets a text. If you do not know yet, say when you will: "I am waiting on my work schedule and will tell you by Friday" is a fair reply, and Friday is then a promise. A maybe is useless to someone planning dinner for eight, so expect it to be counted as a no. When you decline, one sentence of regret is enough and no excuse is required.
Requests you should not make
- Do not ask to bring a date when the invitation names only you, because the host has a budget, a fire code or a table that seats ten.
- Do not ask whether children may come when the invitation leaves them off, because that answer was already given.
- Do mention allergies and dietary restrictions when you accept, since the host can do nothing about them at the table.
Backing out after a yes
A yes outranks any better offer that arrives later. Illness, a family emergency and work you cannot move are acceptable reasons, and "something came up" is not. Tell the host the moment you know, by phone for anything with a seating chart, and apologize once without a long story. An empty seat at a wedding often costs the couple a hundred dollars or more, so if you miss one, send the gift anyway with a note.
When you are the host
Give people what they need to answer: the date, start and end times, the address, who is invited and a reply date. Mail wedding invitations six to eight weeks ahead and send casual ones two to three weeks ahead. Expect to chase about a fifth of your list, and do it cheerfully.
Tip Put the reply deadline in your calendar the day the invitation arrives, set two days earlier than the card says.
