Decide what kind it is
Disagreements at work come in two kinds. A task conflict is about the work itself: priorities, methods, deadlines, who owns what. Handled well, it improves the result. A relationship conflict is about tone, respect and history, and it improves nothing. Most lasting feuds begin as the first kind and turn into the second because nobody addressed them early. Conduct that involves harassment, discrimination, threats or safety is not a conflict to work out between yourselves, and it goes directly to your manager or human resources.
Before the conversation
Wait a day if you are angry, but not a month. Write down what actually happened, separating what you observed from what you assumed. "She left me off the email" is an observation. "She is trying to push me out" is a story you have built on it. Decide what outcome you want, which should be a change in how the two of you work and not an apology.
The conversation itself
- You ask for time in private, naming the subject so that the other person is not ambushed.
- You describe the specific event and its effect on your work, without the words "always" or "never."
- You ask for their view and listen to all of it, since there is usually a fact you did not have.
- You state what you need going forward and ask what they need from you.
- You agree on one or two concrete changes and thank them.
Do this face to face or by video, never by email or chat. Written arguments escalate, lose tone and leave a permanent record of your worst phrasing. A short, neutral email afterward confirming what you both agreed to is useful.
When to escalate
If a direct conversation fails, or the same problem returns, take it to your manager. Present it as a work problem that needs solving: what is happening, what it is costing the project, what you have already tried, and what you are asking for. A manager can act on "the last three handoffs arrived two days late" and can do nothing with "we do not get along."
What not to do
Venting to colleagues travels fast and reaches the person in a worse form than the original complaint. Do not recruit allies, and do not let it drag on in silence.
Note Keep brief dated notes of any conflict that recurs. You will rarely need them, but when you do, memory will not be enough.
