A structure for giving it
The most reliable format has three parts: the situation, the behavior and the impact. You name when and where it happened, describe what the person did in terms a camera could have recorded, and say what resulted. "In Tuesday's client call, you interrupted the buyer twice, and she stopped offering details after that" can be acted on. "You are a poor listener" can only be resented. Finish with what you would like to see next time, or ask how they saw it, and then listen.
Timing and setting
Give feedback within a day or two, while both of you remember the event. Criticism is delivered privately, always. Ask before you begin, with a line such as "I have a thought on the presentation, if you want it," since a person who has agreed to listen hears more. Address one issue per conversation. Skip the old formula of wrapping criticism between two compliments, because people learn the pattern quickly and start bracing at every kind word.
Praise is feedback too
"Nice job" teaches nothing. Specific praise tells a person what to repeat: "The one-page summary you put at the front of the report let the director decide in five minutes." A rough working ratio is several specific positives for every correction, not to soften the person but because most of what your colleagues do is right, and they should hear that it was noticed.
Receiving it well
- You listen to the end without interrupting or preparing a defense.
- You ask for an example if the point is vague, in a tone of curiosity and not cross-examination.
- You repeat back what you heard in your own words to confirm it.
- You thank the person, because giving honest feedback is a risk for them.
- You return in a few days with what you plan to change, and later you ask whether they have seen a difference.
Not all feedback is correct. Look for patterns: one person's remark is an opinion, while the same comment from three people is data.
Asking for it
A general request for feedback produces nothing but "you are doing fine." Ask a narrow question instead, such as what one thing would have made your last report stronger. A specific question gives the other person permission to be honest and a place to start.
Tip Write feedback down before you deliver it. If you cannot state the behavior and its impact in two sentences, you are not ready to have the conversation.
