Decide, do not slide
Most couples move in together because a lease is ending or because one rent is cheaper than two. Those are good reasons to save money and poor reasons to merge two lives. Before anyone packs a box, each of you should say out loud what the move means. "I see this as a step toward marriage" and "I see this as a trial run" are both honest answers, and the trouble starts only when each of you privately holds a different one.
Three talks before the lease
- Settle money first. Decide whether rent and bills are split evenly or in proportion to income, and decide who physically pays each bill. A useful opening is, "I would like us to agree on the numbers before we look at apartments."
- Settle the housework second. List every recurring job, including the invisible ones such as noticing that the toilet paper is low, and divide the list by preference and schedule rather than by habit.
- Settle time and guests third. Say how much time alone each of you needs, how much notice you want before friends come over, and how long a visiting relative may stay.
The paperwork
When both names are on a lease, each of you is usually responsible for the entire rent, not half of it. The landlord may pursue either tenant for all of it if the other stops paying. If one of you is moving into the other's apartment, tell the landlord, because most leases require a new adult occupant to be approved and added. Check the renters insurance as well: a policy generally covers only the people named on it, so add your partner or carry two policies. Buy large items separately rather than splitting them. It is simpler to know that the couch is yours and the bed is theirs than to argue later over half a sofa.
Agree on the exit
The kindest time to plan a breakup is while you still like each other. Agree who would keep the apartment, how long the other would have to find a place, and how the deposit would be divided. Write it in a shared note. The conversation is awkward for ten minutes, and it makes any eventual parting far cheaper and kinder.
Tip Keep an individual bank account with enough in it to cover a deposit and a first month of rent on your own. It is rarely needed, and knowing it is there makes staying a choice.
