Plan something small
A first date is a screening for mutual interest, and an hour is plenty. Coffee, one drink, a walk through a market or a casual counter meal all work. Dinner at an expensive restaurant locks two strangers into two hours and a large bill. A movie or a concert prevents conversation altogether. Pick a place you already know, where you can hear each other, and propose a specific day and time. Confirm with a short message that morning.
Basic safety
These habits are ordinary and apply to everyone.
- Meet in a public place, and get yourself there and back on your own.
- Tell a friend the person's name, the place and the time, and arrange to check in afterward.
- Keep your phone charged and your drink in sight, and get a fresh one if you left it unattended.
- Hold your drinking to a level at which your judgment stays entirely your own.
- Leave if something feels wrong, and do not apologize for it; "I need to head out now" is a complete explanation.
The conversation
Aim to talk about half the time. Ask open questions and follow up on the answers, which is the difference between conversation and an interview. Good territory includes what the person does with a free Saturday, where they grew up, and what they are looking forward to. Poor territory includes a long account of your last relationship, your salary, and an audit of their five-year plan. Put your phone out of sight. Be polite to the staff, because your date is watching how you treat people who cannot answer back.
The check
The simplest convention is that the person who asked offers to pay, and the other person offers sincerely to split. Do not treat the bill as a test, and do not assume that paying, or being paid for, creates any obligation afterward.
Afterward
If you would like a second date, say so within a day: "I had a good time last night, and I would like to see you again. I am free Thursday." If you are not interested, do not vanish. Send, "It was good to meet you, but I did not feel the connection I am looking for. I wish you well." If you receive that message, reply with thanks and nothing more.
Tip Choose a first date with a natural end, such as one coffee or one drink. A good date can always be extended with a walk, while a bad one is over in forty-five minutes.
