The end date
Distance is tolerable when it is a phase and corrosive when it is a condition. Early on, the two of you need a shared answer about when the gap closes and who is likely to move. The answer can be rough, such as "after your program finishes, in about eighteen months, and I will look for work in your city." It can change. What matters is that it exists and that both of you would state it the same way. If neither of you is willing to move, ever, that is information you would rather have now.
A rhythm that holds
Always know the date of the next visit before the current one ends. Book it at the airport if you must. For everyday contact, agree on a rhythm rather than leaving it to mood: a short call most days and one longer, unhurried one each week works for many couples. Account for time zones by fixing a standing slot that is decent for both of you. A missed call is then an exception, not a referendum on the relationship.
Share the dull parts. Text the photograph of your lunch, the complaint about the meeting, the name of the new coworker. Couples who live together absorb this texture without trying, and you have to send it deliberately. Do ordinary things together on a call: cook the same recipe, watch the same film, or simply work in silence with the video on.
Visits that feel like life
The common mistake is to treat every visit as a vacation, with restaurants and plans stacked end to end. You then know each other only on holiday. Spend some visits running errands, meeting friends and being bored. Expect the first evening to feel slightly awkward and the last day to be tense, and say so to each other, because both are normal.
The money and the hard talks
Add up the real annual cost of flights, gas and time off, and split it in a way that reflects your incomes rather than who happens to travel. Alternate the travel where you can, since the person who always packs the bag comes to resent it. Do not start serious arguments by text. Raise hard subjects on a video call, early in the conversation, not in the last ten minutes before one of you sleeps.
Tip Keep a running list of small things to tell your partner. The details that seem too minor to mention are exactly what makes someone feel part of your day.
