Listen all year
People announce what they want constantly, in passing: the knife that will not hold an edge, the author they keep meaning to read, the gloves they lost. Nobody remembers these remarks in December unless they were written down. Keep one note on your phone with a line for each person you buy for, and add to it the moment you hear something. Include sizes, allergies, favorite colors and what you gave last year.
Three kinds that work
- Give an upgrade. Find something the person uses daily and would never replace, such as a worn wallet, a dull kitchen knife or thin bath towels, and buy a better one.
- Give a consumable. Good olive oil, coffee, an unscented candle or flowers ask for no shelf space and are gone before they can become clutter.
- Give an experience. Tickets, a class or a restaurant dinner work best when you name a date or offer to go along, since an open-ended voucher tends to expire in a drawer.
Gifts to avoid
Do not give a project, meaning anything that implies the person should change: a scale, a self-help book, an organizing system, a gym membership they did not ask for. Do not give a living animal, ever, unless you are the one who will care for it. If a couple or a parent has published a registry or a wish list, use it. Originality is not a virtue when someone has told you what they need.
Money and manners
Set a budget by relationship and stick to it, since a gift that strains you embarrasses the person who receives it. Cash or a check is entirely proper for weddings, graduations and new babies. For an expensive item, organize a group gift and collect the money before you buy. Include a gift receipt with anything that has a size. Write a card by hand with two specific sentences, which people keep long after the object is gone.
On the receiving end
Thank the giver on the spot, and send a written note within two weeks for anything that arrived by mail or marked a major occasion. Name the gift and say how you will use it. You may pass along a gift you cannot use, provided it is unopened and goes to a different social circle.
Tip Buy the right gift when you see it, even in March, and keep a shelf for it. The best present is rarely for sale the week you need one.
