The reply
Answer the invitation within a week or two, and never later than the date printed on it. The caterer's final count and the seating chart both wait on your reply. The envelope tells you who is invited. If it names only you, you are attending alone. If it says "and guest", you may bring one. If your children's names are absent, the children are not invited, and you should not ask for an exception. Note dietary restrictions on the reply card, not at the table.
If you must decline, do it promptly and send a card. If an emergency forces you out after you have accepted, tell the couple or a member of the wedding party at once, since your meal has usually been paid for either way.
The gift
Buy from the registry if there is one, since it is a list of things the couple has said they want. Cash or a check in a card is welcome at nearly every American wedding. The notion that your gift must cover the cost of your plate is a myth, and so is the year of grace for sending it. Give what your budget allows and send it before the wedding or within a couple of months after. Ship boxed gifts to the address on the registry, because anything carried to the reception becomes someone's problem at midnight.
The day itself
- Follow the dress code on the invitation, and ask a member of the wedding party if it is unclear.
- Avoid white, ivory and anything else that competes with what the couple is wearing.
- Arrive fifteen to twenty minutes before the stated ceremony time, because the stated time is when it begins.
- Silence your phone, and keep it in your pocket during the ceremony so that the photographer's pictures are not full of screens.
- Pace your drinking, since an open bar is a courtesy and not a challenge.
- Leave the microphone alone unless you were asked in advance to speak.
What the couple will remember
Greet the couple briefly, congratulate them and move on, because they have a hundred people to see. Dance when the floor is empty, which is when it helps. Stay at least through the cake cutting. Do not post photographs of the couple before they have posted their own.
Tip Write the card before you leave home and put the check inside it. A card table at a reception is no place to go looking for a pen.
