Soon, and from you
Bad news does not improve with age, and it gets worse when it arrives secondhand. The person affected should hear it from you before hearing it from anyone else, and early enough to act on it. A landlord told on the 25th that the rent will be a week late can usually work with you, and a landlord who discovers it on the 5th has no reason to. Anything that touches someone's job, money, health or relationship deserves your voice, in person or by phone.
The sequence
- Give one sentence of warning, such as "I have bad news about the apartment."
- State the fact plainly in the next breath: "The owner is selling, and we have to be out by March 1." Use the real words, and for a death that means "died."
- Stop talking and count to five, because nothing you add in that silence will be heard.
- Answer questions honestly, and say "I do not know yet" when that is the truth.
- Say what you have already done and what happens next.
- Follow up in writing when dates, money or instructions are involved.
The named mistakes
- Burying the lead under small talk makes the listener more anxious, since your face has already given the news away.
- The compliment sandwich, in which the bad news sits between two slices of praise, sends people away remembering the bread.
- Softening a final decision into "there may be some issues" forces a second, harder conversation later.
- Saying how difficult this is for you asks the injured party to comfort the messenger.
When the fault is yours
Tell your manager, client or friend before they find out, and bring four things: what happened, what it affects, what you have already done about it, and what you need from them. "I sent the proposal with last year's prices. Two clients have it. I have drafted a correction and would like your approval to send it" is a bad five minutes. The same error discovered by someone else is a bad month. Apologize once and move to the repair.
After you have said it
Anger, tears and silence are all ordinary reactions, and none of them needs fixing. "I know this is not what you hoped to hear" is enough, along with an offer to talk again tomorrow.
Tip Say your first two sentences aloud to yourself before the conversation. Most rambling comes from composing the hard sentence for the first time with the other person watching.
