Who to look for
The most useful mentor is usually two to ten years ahead of you, close enough to remember your problems and far enough along to have solved them. Look at former managers, senior colleagues on neighboring teams, professors, people you met through professional associations and alumni of your school. Plan on more than one: one person for craft, another for navigating your company, a third outside it who can speak freely. Your direct boss can teach you a great deal but cannot be your only adviser, because some of your questions will be about your boss.
How it starts
A request to "be my mentor" asks a busy person to accept an open-ended obligation to someone they barely know. Ask for something small instead: twenty minutes on a specific decision, or a reaction to one piece of work. Then do what they suggested, or decide not to for a reason, and tell them what happened. That report is the entire secret. It shows that their time produced something, and most people will gladly give more time on those terms. After three or four such exchanges you have a mentor.
Being worth the time
- Arrive with a prepared question and the background in two minutes, not a general request for wisdom.
- Handle the scheduling yourself, and offer times that suit them.
- Accept blunt advice without defending yourself, since arguing teaches them to be less honest next time.
- Keep a rhythm that is easy to sustain, such as once a quarter, with a short note in between when something they predicted comes true.
- Give back what you can, such as an article they would like or an introduction.
A sponsor is a different thing from a mentor. A mentor advises you in private, while a sponsor is a senior person who puts your name forward for assignments and promotions in rooms you are not in. Sponsorship is earned by doing visible, excellent work for that person, and it cannot be requested.
When it is your turn
You are ready to mentor sooner than you think. Someone one year behind you wants to know exactly what you learned last year. Listen more than you talk, and ask what they have already considered before advising. Keep confidences absolutely. Tell them the truth about their work, kindly, because polite encouragement is available to them everywhere else.
Note Formal mentoring programs at work are worth joining even when the pairing is imperfect. The pairing often reaches someone you could not have approached yourself.
