The Manual
Vol. I · No. 1 · September 2026
The Gentleman's Guide
Part X · Future PlanningNo. 369 · Page 12 of 20

Writing down your values and what you want

Put your values on one page in plain sentences, then check them against your calendar and your bank statement, which record what you actually value. A written page turns vague unease into something you can use when a real decision arrives.

Writing down your values and what you want

Why paper beats thinking

Wants that stay in your head remain conveniently vague. They can contradict one another without your noticing, and they shift to suit whatever you did last. Writing forces a choice of words, and a choice of words forces a decision. The exercise takes about ninety minutes, costs nothing, and pays off every time you face a job offer, a move or a large purchase.

Find the values

A value is a direction, such as independence or craftsmanship, and it is never finished. A goal is a destination, and it can be reached. Start with values, because goals chosen without them tend to belong to somebody else.

  1. Write down twenty things that matter to you, quickly and without editing.
  2. Cut the list to ten and then to five. The cutting is the exercise, since everybody approves of all twenty.
  3. Rank the five by forced pairs: when security and adventure collide, decide which one wins, and write that down.
  4. Add one sentence to each that says what it looks like in an ordinary week.

Check the evidence

Now open last month's calendar and bank statement. Those two documents record your revealed values, the ones you pay for in hours and dollars. Someone who lists health first and gave it no time and no money has found either a false value or a problem worth solving, and both discoveries are useful. Watch also for borrowed wants, the ones absorbed from parents, classmates or a feed. A reliable test is to imagine having the thing with nobody ever knowing about it. If the appeal collapses, the want was about the audience.

Write the wants

Under five headings (work, money, people, health and place), write what you want in plain declarative sentences with no hedging. "I want to work outdoors at least half the time" is usable. "I want a fulfilling career" is not. Beside each want, write what you are prepared to give up for it, since a want with no price attached is a daydream. Keep the whole thing to one page, date it, and store it where you will come across it a few times a year. When a decision arrives, read the page before you read the offer. If you share your life with someone, trade pages, because the places where the two lists disagree are the conversations worth having early.

Note Expect the first draft to describe a person you wish you were. The second draft, written a week later, is usually the honest one.