The group chat
A group chat is a room in which every remark makes a dozen phones buzz. Send one complete message and not six fragments, since each line is its own interruption. Anything that concerns one person goes to that person privately, and a reaction does the work of the twelfth "sounds good." Hold non-urgent messages between ten at night and eight in the morning. When the organizer asks who is coming on Saturday, answer that question, that day, with a yes or a no. If a chat wears on you, mute it. Never use the group to criticize a member, settle a quarrel or discuss a party to which some of its members were not invited.
Other people's lives
- Ask before posting a photo of anyone else, and always before posting someone's child.
- Take a photo down at once when asked, without a debate about how good everyone looks.
- Leave news to its owner, which means that an engagement, a pregnancy, a new job or a death is never announced by you before the person or the family has announced it.
- Do not pass around screenshots of a private conversation, since the habit becomes known and people stop telling you things.
Before you post
Assume a wide audience. Employers, landlords, admissions offices and future in-laws all search names, and deleted posts survive in other people's screenshots. Write nothing in anger that you would not say in a calm voice to the person's face, and let a furious draft sit until morning. The vague post aimed at an unnamed offender fools nobody and alarms everyone who wonders whether it is about them.
The comment section
No mind has ever been changed in a comment thread. State your view once, reply once if you must, and then stop or move to a private message, where people argue more honestly without an audience. Do not correct a stranger's grammar or join a pile-on. A public "congratulations" or "so sorry" is fine for acquaintances, but a close friend's big news deserves a call or a private message as well. When someone asks you a direct question and you cannot answer yet, send "Got it, and I will reply tomorrow" instead of leaving the message on read for a week.
Tip Before you send anything sharp, read it aloud in the flattest voice you can manage. Text carries no tone of its own, so the reader will supply the worst one available.
