Know the length you are writing
Two minutes of speaking is about 250 words, which is less than one typed page. People who plan to say a few words off the cuff run to six minutes and three false endings. Write the full text, read it aloud against a timer, and cut until it fits. Nobody in the history of receptions has wished a toast were longer.
The four-part structure
- Say who you are and how you know the person: "I'm Sam, and I've been Priya's roommate, coworker and emergency contact for eleven years." One light line is plenty.
- Tell one story, with a place, a detail and something the person actually said or did. Pick a story the whole room can follow and one the subject's grandmother can hear.
- Turn the story into the point: what it shows about the person, and at a wedding, what the partner has brought to it. Speak to both halves of a couple, not only the one you know.
- Raise your glass and give the room its instruction: "Please join me in a toast to Priya and Jordan."
What to leave out
Leave out former partners, inside jokes that need explaining, anything that happened in a bar, and the roast you think the room is ready for. Leave out the dictionary definition of love, and leave out yourself after the first sentence. A toast is a compliment delivered in public, and every line should pass that test.
Delivery
Put the text on index cards or one folded sheet in large type. A phone dims, locks and invites scrolling at the worst moment. Hold the drinking to one glass until you are done. Stand, wait for quiet, and let the silence run a beat longer than feels comfortable before you begin. Speak more slowly than seems natural, look at the person you are honoring for the personal lines and at the room for the rest, and pause after a laugh instead of talking over it. If your voice catches, stop, breathe and carry on. The room is entirely on your side.
Offices and other rooms
The same frame handles a retirement, a farewell lunch or a birthday: your connection, one specific story, what it shows, and the glass. At work, thank the person for something concrete they did rather than for their years of service in general.
Note If you are the one being toasted, stay seated, do not raise your glass and do not drink to yourself. Smile, say thank you, and drink afterward.
